Grenadine

you’ve seen it all before
from different lenses
and you’ve given up on love
one more time
can you see the pile of tinder
rising
can you feel the fire
at your feet

looking up, you
never fear the fall

lift your eyes back to the ground
beyond your stride
feel the pulse push deep inside
deep inside
can you jump the river
to the sea
can you carve the path that leads
back to me

looking up, you
don’t feel at all

coloured shades of greens
tearing at the seams
will it pull you apart again
grenadine

can you jump the buildings
to the hills
will you ever tire
of all the pills

coloured shades of greens
sweeter than it seems
will it pull you apart again
grenadine

coloured shades of greens
tearing at the seams
will it pull you apart love
grenadine

        

         

Copyright L.M. 2008.  (written April 7th, 2008.  sucky, I know.  haha.).

Disentangled Deliverance

I heard it
hushed
rushed
like when the phone is dying
and I knew who
but I ignored it
just like you
earlier
afraid I would hear
I knew then, too
and I can’t look at you
not right after
for fear
I knew you’d see
my face gives me away
so if you don’t look at me
you’ll never see my pain
and we can carry on this way
because you chose it
how’d I have no say?
well, that’s the way of it
and every single day
I wait
and every single day
I cringe
I crawl
a little ball I am
and I try to ignore the fact
that I’m in love
and that I want to cry
and that I want to hit you
for hurting me
for not telling
for not thinking about it
just because you’re happy
doesn’t make it okay
for the rest of us
I want to collapse in your arms
and cry until my heart feels again
it isn’t easy keeping it cold
it isn’t easy being numb
but I know how you feel
and it would take just a minute
to realize
that there must be a problem
if you aren’t sure of love
you aren’t in love
it’s as simple as that
time won’t help you decide
trust me, I know, I tried
love isn’t comfort and trust
love isn’t passion and lust
love isn’t measured in time
and I know, love isn’t just
love is not wanting to leave
love is a mental reprieve
loving should not be a crime
for lovers are far too naïve
but the story here, far too sad
is in parallel
and I’ve played the role before
from a different seat
but it was just as bad
I can’t help you see
how you would have so much more
with one less
without you asking me
and even still
it seems so contrary
you probably wouldn’t
even believe me

but I’ve watched you
when you weren’t looking
and I don’t see a man in love
I don’t even see a man confused about love
I see a man confused and saddened
by the loss of a first
that was really good sometimes
and really hard
though that’s easier now to forget
since she’s allowing it
though she’s not aware
just how much you’re testing it
I’m the only other one
who knows what’s going on
and my heart is breaking for you
for me
watching your guilt
take a life of its own
and the longer you wait
the more it’ll have grown
when you finally decide
to tell her the truth

it’s selfish what you’re doing
I don’t want to sound mean
but you’re aware that you’re hurting
and destroying self-esteem
and you know what your instincts
are telling you to do
so if you won’t do this for me, or for her, babe
do this for you

       

       

Copyright L.M. 2008.

Day 10

😯

  I didn’t go on the beach today.  I know!  Very sad.  However, in my defense, it was pretty cool here today.  As in, 10 degrees Celsius, and *very* windy.  People here were wearing touques, no word of a lie.  We were watching, amused, as a construction worker who was in charge of guiding traffic was trying to arrange his touque under his hardhat.  We had a good few minutes waiting to watch the hilarity.  It really was quite chilly though, especially considering two days before, I was getting a sunburn.

  In the morning, I went for a brunch crêpe at Julio’s, and chatted with him for a bit.  You Are Always On My Mind, sung by Elvis was playing, and Julio sang a little as he prepared.  So entertaining 🙂 The crêpe was delicious of course……

  We went shopping today and I bought a few little things.  After, we went to Crabby Bill’s for my second crabs’ legs meal, and it was even better than the first….. actually quite a bit better.  The original location is still my fave.  On the drive back we saw quite a few of the rich rich people’s houses/mansions with their backyards on the beach facing the water…… it’s rumoured Tom Cruise had a home in that area, so we always joke about going to see if he’s still got his Christmas lights up.

  Somehow those seemingly few activities took up our entire day.  Tonight we might be off to play some pool, but we’ll see.  I have to get working on my applications so we might be tied up doing that instead.  Anyway, have a good night folks!

An Artist’s Rendering

I have heard there are some
who have never seen dawn
I cannot fathom a life
so deprived
how can you not be curious?
the world may change dimensions
at precisely four o’clock
for all you are aware
have you never walked a street
with no one on it?
not a car, a person, a pigeon
to disturb your view
you see your world in these moments
vivid like a painting
unrolled before your very feet
as if to say:

“Walk me”

Copyright L.M. 2007.

Conscious (April 2007)

I haven’t seen this before
shared among common fields
I could almost feel myself move
asleep on the ground, twice already
patience awoke me with presence
well I should say friends
and open faces showed me something
I can’t be alone too long
I miss the smile the most
having said what was right
I turn away not to see the consequence
since it’s not horrendous
I feel faint
and must lie down again

     

      

Copyright L.M. 2007.

Le Départ/The Departure (April 2007)

Le Départ

il ne prend pas beaucoup
assis sur le bord d’un rien
la valeur me dit
“ne t’inquiètes pas
il en reste assez”
mais je sais déjà
je sais

je n’étais ni le tout
ni la seule
alors je suis

avant le départ du jour
je vois du monde
assis sur mon bord
mais il n’en reste plus
et j’entends
un soupir éternel qui me dit
c’est encore assez
oui, ça je sais

The Departure

it doesn’t take much
sitting on the edge of a nothing
worth tells me
“don’t worry
there is still enough”
but I know already
I know

I was neither the all
nor the only
and so I am

before the passing of the day
I see people
sitting on my ledge
but nothing remains
and I hear
an eternal sigh that tells me
it is still enough
yes, that I know

Copyright L.M. 2oo7.

Stalemate

I have a sight
I thought somewhere near
takes me a while to
to…..
well I should have lost it
perhaps
maybe
somehow
did
inside it burns
and I shiver
you know it’s cold
so very cold

I’m not hopeless
just delusional
apparently
and to make up
for all the lost time
somehow started
to believe in fairytales
masochistic? probably
I’ve heard it heals
or bides time
with other distraction
sort of like me
I guess that’s ironic
but really, not hopeless
that’s part problem
you see why
it’s the hope that kills
if I were numb
oh to be numb
I would lose fear
I would lose pain
I would lose anger
I would lose love
well, you’ve taught me
you can’t win them all
in my year of luck
my precious months
a troubled match
a frightened soul
helped onto my plate
peppered with perfection
here and there
and when that bell begins
I will be a mistake
and another chapter
in a drama
whose clout extends
far beyond
the amusing present time

I’m sleepless
and you know why
and you won’t tell me

I’m walking the lines
with chains around my neck
ball bearings in my throat
and hands behind my back
and I say “I’m starved”
and you say you’re tired
but give me food
that I can’t eat, smell, see
and say it ought to be enough
but death takes its toll
bending all rules
portraying life as such
well you feel remorse
but upon the next
bestow a fresh nothing
ready to be devoured
and kill another
just like before me
me
and after me

I’m still sleepless
could you tell me why?

I did have a dream though
yes I had to wake you up
you transformed
into the jerk
and I couldn’t get you to leave
I awoke frightened
with the door open

do you realize
character and honesty
can both be judged
by ignoring words altogether
and looking
solely
on what you do

so in this pretend world
this fantasy of yours
some things bleed
into mine
and I try to see
subtract the you
subtract the me
to look right through
to reality
but look at me
I play the fool
I’m just the tool
to set you free
of memory
of any need
of honesty
responsibility
respectability
honour, value
worth, and truth
you see, all these
I could be for you
but that fantasy
well it bleeds too
into one which you
have saved for me
I still can’t sleep
and I blame you

Copyright L.M. 2007.

What the Night Brings

It occurs to me that not a lot of people pull all-nighters.  I find it, well, good I guess.  They’re sometimes enjoyable…… but they have their moments.  Like, tonight, I stayed up (well I’m still up), and was working (the not-so-fun kind of all-nighters), but I luckily caught up on my junk so that makes me feel good.  However, I had a few fun experiences with my body hating me.  Here are a couple things that may happen to you if you pull an all-nighter, and you shouldn’t be surprised if they do:

• shaking.  Just general shaking in different parts of your body.  Tonight it was my left hand.
• weird popping feeling in your eye.  I don’t know what this is.
• random numbness, usually from sitting at a computer for long periods of time banging my head against the desk.
• dehydration.  It’s easy to forget to drink when you can barely remember to open your eyes.  (Also comes in the opposite form, when you’re obsessively drinking something to try and keep yourself awake.)
• hunger from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m.
• random activity cravings.  Like suddenly wanting to go swimming, even though you haven’t in months.
• random food cravings.  Like clam chowder.
• sudden understanding of your pet.  It’s like we’re at the same intelligence level…..
• sudden ability to clean.  You might not have been the best before, but you’re Industrial Strength now……
• sudden memory recovery…… of all the e-mails you haven’t yet replied to.  Don’t be alarmed if you feel this crucial to complete immediately.  It’s normal.
• chest pains.  Yep!  Just as fun as they sound!
• waking up when you didn’t know you were asleep.  The best is when you’re holding something like a hair dryer or book, because you freak out when you wake up and you freak out again as you drop something.  (Bonus: when you’re on the bus, and you wake up with a jolt, having flung your arms wildly, only to get strange looks from the people around you/people you hit)
• brain pains.  You know how diagrams show the different sections of your brain and what they’re used for?  Well you just exploded the Common Sense one.  Congratulations!  You’re now among the other 90% of the population.  😛

I hope you’ve learned your lesson, because I sure haven’t…… Umm, what am I talking about again?  I should go.  I think I have an e-mail to write.  It’s for my cat.

Soon

I have a system
and for that, I’m relieved
I’ll do my best
I’ll be a friend
worry not for me, no
I’ll be alright again soon

I’m glad I met you
yes for that, I’m grateful
we’re similar
your words ring true
back to before, now
and I’ll be alright again soon

it’s already better
and for that, I’m glad
I feared the worst
but you’re a friend
and when I pick myself up
dust myself off
and look back at you
I know before long
I’ll be alright again, soon

      

Copyright L.M. 2007. (Dedicated)

Maybe he feels the Earth’s rotation…..

Later the same day of the asparagus man encounter, I went into a little shop because I had never been before.  There was a little boy and his mom behind the counter generally occupying themselves with papers and toys.  As I was passing them on my way out of the store, I heard the little boy ask:

“Mom, why is the ground moving?”

I think the funniest part was that I looked at the mother, who was nonchalantly answering his question (too quietly for me to hear), and her expression was completely unaffected, as if this was a normal type of question to be asked of a child standing on solid ground…..