Am I a Serial Friendinator?

I have been thinking lately, that I may have a problem. I may be a Serial Friendinator.

When I was a lil’ girl, I was under the impression that it was the goal of every person in my class to acquire a Best Friend.

Me!
Friends are fun!

This was tricky for me, because I liked a bunch of people, and would rotate in their circles depending on their/my preferences at the time. I had one girl who I was close with, but she was also close with — and Best Friends with — another girl and boy….. so I felt that didn’t really count. Another girl and I were close for a while, but that ended quickly when I left for another school for Grade 5 French Immersion. I never heard from her again until this year when I found her on Facebook (yay childhood memories!) and we added each other and still haven’t spoken.

So, in Grade 5, I tried to find a new Best Friend. In a class of all girls (but one boy, who I don’t blame at all for leaving a year later), flaring hormonal tempers and allegiances that revolved like cheap neon vacancy signs at a scuzzy motel, this goal suddenly became as unlikely as if I were trying to find a single-coloured rainbow made of unicorn-shaped water droplets (read: 60% unlikely, except on rainy days when it’s more like 50% unlikely).

It's still possible.

My sister reassured me that in high school, things would be different. In high school, you could pick who you wanted to hang out with, and could avoid the people who sucked…… or the other way around, but that would be kind of dumb so I didn’t do that. High school was alright for the most part — the place still abounded with dummies, but I could actually find people to talk to and it was nice. I made a lot of good friends. And at different points in my time in high school, I might have said I had a Best Friend….. but alas, those particular title-wielding strong ties diminished, and the best I could hope for was that we would still keep in touch. And not in the class pen-pal project with a school in Argentina way — an occasional, actual update dedicated to each other way. I still have good friends from high school, and it’s nice.

However, when I went away to university, it was an opportunity to meet new peeps, and to continue looking for a Best Friend. Well, not 6 months into my studies, I started dating a guy I’d end up dating for 4.5 years. He was my Best Friend for that time. Then, I had to essentially start all over in my last year of university, since I really hadn’t maintained many friendships outside the relationship.

I went all out.

I answered an ad for a co-singer for a band (for one song they needed help with). I thrust myself into a new world of people, and surprisingly came out with a really amazing set of new friends. The person whose ad I responded to became my Best Friend for about a year. We jammed, and played coffee shops, and he taught me about the joys of cooking and music and salsa-dancing even if you have no coordination. He taught me how to appreciate soccer and running for more than 2 minutes at a time. I probably taught him a few things too, but who knows what they were. It was fun. Then I moved. I wanted to do a postgrad program, so that ended that intense Best Friendship.

In that postgrad program, I met a girl who is probably the closest I can come to naming a female Best Friend I’ve ever had. She and I thought so similarly, people said it was like we were sisters. Of course, she was crazy too. But in a good way. We’d look at each other and burst out laughing. We worked on a big project together, spending tons of time together, and at the end still wanted to hang out. After the program’s internship positions landed us in two different locations, that intense Best Friendship ended too. I still miss her and in a perfect world would have us working together at the same place. I think she could make nearly any job bearable.

A few months later, I met my current boyfriend. Right from the start, our first actual date was 10 hours long….. so it was a good indication we could be good for each other. He has become my Best Friend. I am an extreme kinda gal, so I don’t see that changing in the near future, but I can’t help but wonder….. other than considering my boyfriend my Best Friend which is true in all the good senses of the title, am I a Serial Friendinator?

Slate Grays

my hands are dry and rough from working
my eyes are small and used to squinting
my stature average, verging on petite
I have thin skin and veiny feet
my complexion’s poor, my tone is pale
genes say my bones will be quite frail
I have no nails as they are weak
my voice is too high when I speak
my mother thinks my hair’s too long
I think all compliments are wrong
I’m a sceptic, sometimes too much so
though I try to be fair to friend and foe
my opinions strong, my manner shy
in public you’ll never see me cry
in private I keep emotions tame
my anxiety has that cause to blame
I hate to shop, but buy a lot
no place could ever be too hot
I dislike snow, I dislike cold
I’m terrified of getting old
I have good friends who understand
I’m always later than I plan
I’m sensitive, and feel more pain
than I let off, or care to explain
I never intentionally drink alcohol
and for this, flunk social protocol
I dislike freckles, and have a bunch
I bend, I slouch, I slump, I hunch
I get depressed but never treat
I just stay up late and never eat
somehow, I’ve seemed to manage this wreck
to keep my addictive tendency in check
though these faults I easily admit
I’d like to think there’s some good to it
I’ll never regret the time departed
for when I love, I love whole-hearted

    

      

Copyright L.M. 2008.

Day 3

Gorgeous day today.  It started off cloudy (my dad and I were going to go fishing but since it was cloudy, they decided to let me sleep in instead haha), but it was still fairly warm, and then the sun worked its way out and it became quite warm.  We went and did a few errands while it was still a bit overcast, and my mom and I played some tennis.  The sun came out during our 15 minutes (we’re both still coughing up a storm), so my mom decided it was too hot out for her and walked to the library to reserve the new Sue Grafton book.  (She later told me she was 123rd on the reserve list….. I’m not even kidding.)  So I went and hit against the wall…… man, it was relentless.  (joke courtesy of Mitch Hedberg 😉 )  I love hitting against the wall though.  I can serve and not have to go pick up balls for every minute of serving, if I make a mistake it still comes back to me….. it’s just a good practice tool.  I did that for a bit, then we went back to the condo for lunch.  I went for a long walk along the Pass, well, many trips back and forth anyway.  Then I visited Julio at his crêperie and chatted a bit with him.  He’s still the one making the crêpes….. I don’t know how he’s managed all year, unless there is someone else trained and they just weren’t working.  I have a feeling the guy with him helping him prepare the stuff may have been there last year too.  I’d normally wonder if they were related but by the pale (in comparison) looks of him, maybe not!  The crêpe — strawberries and Nutella — was wonderful.  I wandered the Pass eating it, and saw many eyes drawn to it — one hispanic lady asked me what it was and where to find one….. after I’d passed I heard her say, “I want one of those!”  So Julio, there you go, some more business for ya!  Last year it was the same story — we’d walk around eating them, and would usually get stopped at some point with inquiries….. especially if my parents were also having one, because they’d usually have one with whipped cream which of course makes it look even more sumptuous.  I even got to hear Julio singing a little as he prepared it….. quite the lungs, and not a bad singer either!  Elvis, of course 😉   After he’d finished making the crêpe, he thanked me for coming back and wished me a good trip if he didn’t see me before then, at one point calling me “princess” — which, from anyone else, might’ve been seen as strange or even sarcastic, but you just know he’s sincere.  He’s just the type of person who always makes you smile.    🙂

  After finishing my treat, I walked the beach for a bit, through the water one way, then on the water’s edge the way back.  Here’s my daily list:

  • Maddy! and friend(?)
  • fishermen
  • fisherboys(?) with a net of little fishies they’d just caught, intending to use them as bait
  • 2 whistling construction workers 😎
  • again, not too many shells of interest (there haven’t been high winds lately, so that makes a difference)
  • a few butterfly shells appearing to be occupied (thrown back)
  • several sand fleas (dead)
  • 1 large crab — live!  He was in my path, scuttling around….. man was he cute.  I walked cautiously closer, and I guess frightened him because he lifted one of his front claws a bit above his head, threateningly….. it was hilarious and adorable at the same time.  I love crabs.  Anyway, I didn’t want to scare him too much but at the same time I didn’t want him to wash ashore and die (he appeared to be old….. I am aware they can come out the water normally haha), or stay in the shallow water to attack/get attacked by little kids, so I tried to usher him back towards the deeper water, even though the waves made me lose sight of him and I had to avoid getting pinched, myself!  He was definitely the highlight of my beachwalk.
  • 2 kids trying to bodyboard (again, waves <1 foot high…..)….. quite funny actually.
  • seagulls, herons, egrets, pelicans, skimmers, the little tiny birds that run around the shore…..
  • dolphins (well, that was when I was on the Pass — they were quite active today, almost jumping right out the water, splashing around playfully)….. actually I saw a few schools of them….. and moronic seadoers trying to get close and in the process frightening them away……  Seriously, let this be my one and only message to boaters: if you want to get close to dolphins or any sea creature for that matter, PLEASE turn off your engines!  If they want you around, they’ll swim TO you, you don’t have to be 5 feet away at all times.  Enjoy the scene, but don’t ruin it by scaring them or, Heaven forbid, hurting them.  Sure, you may have seen them following boats, but that’s up to them!  You certainly are not going to tempt them by having 5 boats speeding toward them every time they surface.  The people on the Pass enjoy seeing them too, so have a little respect for the other viewers, as well as the creatures themselves.  There.  I’m done.    😛
  • not many jellyfish today, maybe 2 little guys washed up
  • generally not much debris washed up either, actually….. good thing once in a while!
  • 1 gorgeous sun  🙂

Passed Presence

yesterday I did a lot that will be forgotten
during the day
and upon arrival of the night I sat
within sight of stars and a friend
unable to contain my joy
I don’t care what it meant
it was part of my present

the little questions that crawl
slithering like wily wordsmiths
stab of criminality
inauthenticity
pressure
but I ignore them all
for whatever was meant
was all part of my present

I never ignore the truth
but sometimes it takes a while
and processing asks a fee
when something requires action
it finds a way of surfacing
and regardless of intent
it was all part of my present

if there is a problem with my words
perhaps it’s my turn for the blame?
well, that’s alright, I am strong
I know who I am
and I know what I need
I ask no one’s consent
to take part in my present

moderation is essential
and those who judge harshly
will lead a boring existence
for rules and standards and doctrines
bastardize life
where any threat of deviance
begins the cycle of torments
I live by me and my present

I should not be misunderstood
we all need a conscience
but show me a tribunal
for all our small misdeeds
and I will show you a hymnal
that touts many creeds
so you will see, and thus lament
your state of being, your sole attempt
and every hour you might repent
but I shall bask in my present

why care you of their dissent
life itself bids you relent
she mourns so many lives unspent
tomes filled with these nonevents

the only one you represent
is you, so follow your intent
it is your world to reinvent
and do what makes you most content

now should I like to end my words
with you
right here
my dear
I shall

Copyright L.M. 2007. (originally posted here at 2:15 a.m. tonight.).

Soon

I have a system
and for that, I’m relieved
I’ll do my best
I’ll be a friend
worry not for me, no
I’ll be alright again soon

I’m glad I met you
yes for that, I’m grateful
we’re similar
your words ring true
back to before, now
and I’ll be alright again soon

it’s already better
and for that, I’m glad
I feared the worst
but you’re a friend
and when I pick myself up
dust myself off
and look back at you
I know before long
I’ll be alright again, soon

      

Copyright L.M. 2007. (Dedicated)