Tonight’s Jays game comments and some thoughts

Disheartening.

Another Jays loss on the books, bringing us to 48-51 on the season.  This particular loss comes after a sweet win yesterday where Rios and Scutaro helped the team come back from being down 3-4 in the third inning to eventually win it 9-4, even with sucky pitching from Parrish.  The game tonight was another example of sucky pitching, this time from Litsch.  Now, I like Litsch, but I seriously am rethinking that position after he’s gone 1-6 in his last nine starts, with an ERA over 6.  I know everyone goes through slumps, but this is a little bad.  As in, rotten eggs bad.

Then again, I wouldn’t be complaining so much had we won.  Well, maybe I would, but still.  With Vernon Wells out of the games, you’d think we’d be winning more (hey — even he said as much).  And I’m sorry if I blame Alex Rios entirely for this offensive slump.  Even though he’s a big part of it.  But guys, we did well with the small-ball, why are you now going back to working the count?  It’s the Ingletts and the Linds and the Scutaros and the Ecksteins that have the right idea.  Yes, home runs are nice.  But when we don’t have small-ball working for us, and the homers go slumping, runners will get stranded.  And since none of us really expect certain players to be able to hit us the big ones (*cough* Ecksy *cough*), why not go for quantity?

I don’t think I’m being very clear here.  Okay.  We have a lineup of 9 dudes who can at least hit singles.  Not all of them can hit homers.  Therefore, if one or more of the few guys able to hit homers goes into a slump, and we’re counting on those for all our runs, then we’re in a sucky position.  BUT, if one or a few of the dudes who are able to hit singles goes into a slump, it makes less of a difference, since all the rest are capable of picking up the pieces.  The one thing I actually really admire about Rios is his ability and willingness to steal bases.  THAT’S a good small-ball attitude.  Quick.  Aggressive.  So more singles, more base-stealing.  Oh, and this hitting into double-plays business has got to stop.  The fact there are so many of them hints at bruised confidence.  Which is understandable, but not excusable of course.  I hope Cito will be able to help with that, as he has the experience Gibby didn’t have.  Hopefully, we’ll get things straightened out again and get winning again soon.

Oh, and one last thing: put Johnny Mac back in!

Get well Aaron Hill, Jeremy Accardo, Vernon Wells, Dustin McGowan, Shaun Marcum, Shannon Stewart, and Casey Janssen.  We miss you all dearly.

GO JAYS!

Disentangled Deliverance

I heard it
hushed
rushed
like when the phone is dying
and I knew who
but I ignored it
just like you
earlier
afraid I would hear
I knew then, too
and I can’t look at you
not right after
for fear
I knew you’d see
my face gives me away
so if you don’t look at me
you’ll never see my pain
and we can carry on this way
because you chose it
how’d I have no say?
well, that’s the way of it
and every single day
I wait
and every single day
I cringe
I crawl
a little ball I am
and I try to ignore the fact
that I’m in love
and that I want to cry
and that I want to hit you
for hurting me
for not telling
for not thinking about it
just because you’re happy
doesn’t make it okay
for the rest of us
I want to collapse in your arms
and cry until my heart feels again
it isn’t easy keeping it cold
it isn’t easy being numb
but I know how you feel
and it would take just a minute
to realize
that there must be a problem
if you aren’t sure of love
you aren’t in love
it’s as simple as that
time won’t help you decide
trust me, I know, I tried
love isn’t comfort and trust
love isn’t passion and lust
love isn’t measured in time
and I know, love isn’t just
love is not wanting to leave
love is a mental reprieve
loving should not be a crime
for lovers are far too naïve
but the story here, far too sad
is in parallel
and I’ve played the role before
from a different seat
but it was just as bad
I can’t help you see
how you would have so much more
with one less
without you asking me
and even still
it seems so contrary
you probably wouldn’t
even believe me

but I’ve watched you
when you weren’t looking
and I don’t see a man in love
I don’t even see a man confused about love
I see a man confused and saddened
by the loss of a first
that was really good sometimes
and really hard
though that’s easier now to forget
since she’s allowing it
though she’s not aware
just how much you’re testing it
I’m the only other one
who knows what’s going on
and my heart is breaking for you
for me
watching your guilt
take a life of its own
and the longer you wait
the more it’ll have grown
when you finally decide
to tell her the truth

it’s selfish what you’re doing
I don’t want to sound mean
but you’re aware that you’re hurting
and destroying self-esteem
and you know what your instincts
are telling you to do
so if you won’t do this for me, or for her, babe
do this for you

       

       

Copyright L.M. 2008.

Beautiful Blue, Beautiful You

In high school, I came up with a shade of blue.

It was beautiful — a combination of sky blue, light mauve, baby blue.

Every day as I’d walk through the hallways, I’d look up through the windows as I passed to see if today was a Beautiful Blue day, and, if it was, it was a good day.  It became difficult in winter to keep my spirits up, as the cold depresses me sometimes, but if there was a patch where I saw Beautiful Blue skies, it would lift me up and give me strength.

I love nature like others love religion.  In fact, to a certain degree, I equate the two.  This is really very personal but why not…… in my egotistical mind, I would see the colour showing up as a sign, a spiritual offering of a hand to help me stand again — or, if I was already standing, would help lift me to happiness — or, if I was already happy, would help lift me to elation.  Natural beauty is something that never replicates; each instance really is a moment in time to treasure.  You will never have that exact opportunity again to feel its presence, its power, your part in it all.  All you can hope for, if you shun that moment, is another chance.  It is likely for this reason that I have become a fervent advocate of spontaneity; part of carpe diem requires the ability to forgo plans and live for the moment as it presents itself.  Part of beauty is unpredictability.

Beautiful Blue might look different to others.  As much as I describe it, I will never know if anyone else sees the exact shade I do — not that I believe myself to be the only one capable, but when you take into account differences of perception, differences of colour receptor cones in the eyes, differences perhaps of data transmission between cones and the brain?…… but this Beautiful Blue, to me, is nothing less than hope itself, embodied in a shade of pure beauty.

    

A couple years after I’d begun this tradition of sky-searching at school and elsewhere, I was listening to the radio and heard the DJ mention a new song was going to be played by an artist whose songs I knew and liked.  The artist: Holly McNarland.  The title: Beautiful Blue.  This initially stunned me.  Then, my senses came around and I realized: to others, they were simply two words strung together, and could be used to describe a multitude of things…… I suppose.  This is what she has to say about her song:

“The big song [on the cd], ‘Beautiful Blue,’ came a week before the
last time we went into the studio,” she says. “That was shortly
after September 11.  It’s not about that, but the whole vibe, the
whole doomsday thing, was pretty apparent, and I was just
hanging out with my son.  In the middle of all of this tragedy,
I would wake up and have this perfect little angel by my side.”¹

It’s a beautiful song; I loved it immediately, and not simply for the connection I had with it.   One day I’d like to perform it live — in a way, to realize another dream of mine, as I’ve already recently been given the opportunity to realize one of my life dreams of being part of a band.  I don’t want to suggest it, as it’s not particularly in the style we perform, but I figure that the opportunity will somehow present itself at some point in my life — just like the song did initially — if it is meant to be interpreted by my (in comparison) highly unqualified voice.  This is not a case for carpe diem, after all; this is a chance to see just where my Beautiful Blue will guide me next.

      

So, my dear readers, after I expose my vulnerable nature to all your mysteriously faceless souls, I ask you: what is your Beautiful Blue?

      

      

If you would like to comment on this, you need to click on the title to load the post anew, where you will be given the option to leave a comment if you so desire (and I hope you do!).

¹ (http://umusic.ca/hollymcnarland/)

Skies of a Different Blue

The sky was really cool today.

I never quite know how the weather’s going to be when I get up, even if I check my Weather Network toolbar thingy on my computer, so it’s always a bit of a gamble in terms of coat choice this time of year.  I went with my brown Fall jacket, and was glad of it.  As soon as I opened the door I was greeted with a warm cool breeze (cool because it’s Fall and it’s expected to be a bit cool, and warm because it had an unexpected warmth still left in it).  Over the park trees and over the Queen’s buildings, I could see in the distance blue clouds.  That nice, rich Russian Blue Cat kinda blue.  The kind, had it been cold outside, you would have expected to be delivering snow.  Instead, the sun was shining, the wind fiesty, and it was a perfect beginning to the day.

I actually was slightly resenting the fact that I had class to attend, because I just felt like walking around listening to my music all day 🙂  I might still do that, for a bit at least.  I’ve had an overall pretty crummy past few days, though I shouldn’t complain as it’s probably mostly my own fault!  Haha, that’s life.  But nothing makes me feel better when I’m down than a good walk.  It makes me wonder about next year; if I move, I’ll have to think about that when deciding where to live…..

Yes, now I’m thinking about that, I definitely need to walk.  Definitely time to go down to the water: windy, sunny, cloudy, somewhat warm (season-considering), and some lifey stuff to think about……

Off I go….. 🙂