Disentangled Deliverance

I heard it
hushed
rushed
like when the phone is dying
and I knew who
but I ignored it
just like you
earlier
afraid I would hear
I knew then, too
and I can’t look at you
not right after
for fear
I knew you’d see
my face gives me away
so if you don’t look at me
you’ll never see my pain
and we can carry on this way
because you chose it
how’d I have no say?
well, that’s the way of it
and every single day
I wait
and every single day
I cringe
I crawl
a little ball I am
and I try to ignore the fact
that I’m in love
and that I want to cry
and that I want to hit you
for hurting me
for not telling
for not thinking about it
just because you’re happy
doesn’t make it okay
for the rest of us
I want to collapse in your arms
and cry until my heart feels again
it isn’t easy keeping it cold
it isn’t easy being numb
but I know how you feel
and it would take just a minute
to realize
that there must be a problem
if you aren’t sure of love
you aren’t in love
it’s as simple as that
time won’t help you decide
trust me, I know, I tried
love isn’t comfort and trust
love isn’t passion and lust
love isn’t measured in time
and I know, love isn’t just
love is not wanting to leave
love is a mental reprieve
loving should not be a crime
for lovers are far too naïve
but the story here, far too sad
is in parallel
and I’ve played the role before
from a different seat
but it was just as bad
I can’t help you see
how you would have so much more
with one less
without you asking me
and even still
it seems so contrary
you probably wouldn’t
even believe me

but I’ve watched you
when you weren’t looking
and I don’t see a man in love
I don’t even see a man confused about love
I see a man confused and saddened
by the loss of a first
that was really good sometimes
and really hard
though that’s easier now to forget
since she’s allowing it
though she’s not aware
just how much you’re testing it
I’m the only other one
who knows what’s going on
and my heart is breaking for you
for me
watching your guilt
take a life of its own
and the longer you wait
the more it’ll have grown
when you finally decide
to tell her the truth

it’s selfish what you’re doing
I don’t want to sound mean
but you’re aware that you’re hurting
and destroying self-esteem
and you know what your instincts
are telling you to do
so if you won’t do this for me, or for her, babe
do this for you

       

       

Copyright L.M. 2008.

The Tea Party Lyrics — “Soulbreaking”

The Tea Party

“Soulbreaking”

If fate holds a purpose
You feel fate will lend a hand
It saves face deserts you
It deals grace from underhand
And every time the past’s awakened
Every time your soul starts breaking

You can’t stand the distance
You can’t stand to not be afraid
You won’t show resistance
You can’t seem to run away
‘Cause every time the past’s awakened
Every time your soul starts breaking

In the face of the fire
You see angels conspire
Will they hear you desires
Will they stop your soulbreaking
Could they stop your soulbreaking

You won’t say you’re hurting
You still dream in the undertow
Just a safe place: a haven
Just a kind face just to overthrow
Every time the past’s awakened
Every time your soul starts breaking

In the face of the fire
You see angels conspire
Will they hear your desires
Will the stop your soulbreaking
Could they stop your soulbreaking
Will they stop your soulbreaking
Could they stop your soulbreaking
Please love

Every time the past’s awakened
Every time my soul starts breaking

A Lull

it’s sometimes pleasant, you know
cutting my heart open with letters
signalled from God? Fate? me?
I tear away at words
and that they hate is good
because it concerns them all
and fortune will fall into the lap
of those who understand it
so sleep away
nestled amongst stars
sought for by none, but wanted
and a step along tells me
that I have indeed come aways
so that I am tired should not surprise
a lull should be enough
clustered into a mimosa
is all I am
and, I’m afraid, all I’ll ever be

   

   

Copyright L.M. 2007. (written a few months ago as well as the next few I’m posting).

Long Jump

how did I fall to this?
his spectrum wild and crazed
fortunate son of passion
living each breath fully
it invited me
like a warm bath
or triangle sheets
begging me to enter
and see just how lovely,
how comfort can be

underneath something was ill
someone broken, something still
intentions run aground on
the wrong shore, turn around

red ground company
and he silenced me with fear
but the slant of disease
gave it light, and now
I cannot be afraid
since between the sheets
slivered like a coward
I saw the hideous head of dishonour

underneath something was ill
someone broken, something still
intentions run aground
you’re on the wrong shore, turn around

    

       

Copyright L.M. 2007.