Le Départ/The Departure (April 2007)

Le Départ

il ne prend pas beaucoup
assis sur le bord d’un rien
la valeur me dit
“ne t’inquiètes pas
il en reste assez”
mais je sais déjà
je sais

je n’étais ni le tout
ni la seule
alors je suis

avant le départ du jour
je vois du monde
assis sur mon bord
mais il n’en reste plus
et j’entends
un soupir éternel qui me dit
c’est encore assez
oui, ça je sais

The Departure

it doesn’t take much
sitting on the edge of a nothing
worth tells me
“don’t worry
there is still enough”
but I know already
I know

I was neither the all
nor the only
and so I am

before the passing of the day
I see people
sitting on my ledge
but nothing remains
and I hear
an eternal sigh that tells me
it is still enough
yes, that I know

Copyright L.M. 2oo7.

Stalemate

I have a sight
I thought somewhere near
takes me a while to
to…..
well I should have lost it
perhaps
maybe
somehow
did
inside it burns
and I shiver
you know it’s cold
so very cold

I’m not hopeless
just delusional
apparently
and to make up
for all the lost time
somehow started
to believe in fairytales
masochistic? probably
I’ve heard it heals
or bides time
with other distraction
sort of like me
I guess that’s ironic
but really, not hopeless
that’s part problem
you see why
it’s the hope that kills
if I were numb
oh to be numb
I would lose fear
I would lose pain
I would lose anger
I would lose love
well, you’ve taught me
you can’t win them all
in my year of luck
my precious months
a troubled match
a frightened soul
helped onto my plate
peppered with perfection
here and there
and when that bell begins
I will be a mistake
and another chapter
in a drama
whose clout extends
far beyond
the amusing present time

I’m sleepless
and you know why
and you won’t tell me

I’m walking the lines
with chains around my neck
ball bearings in my throat
and hands behind my back
and I say “I’m starved”
and you say you’re tired
but give me food
that I can’t eat, smell, see
and say it ought to be enough
but death takes its toll
bending all rules
portraying life as such
well you feel remorse
but upon the next
bestow a fresh nothing
ready to be devoured
and kill another
just like before me
me
and after me

I’m still sleepless
could you tell me why?

I did have a dream though
yes I had to wake you up
you transformed
into the jerk
and I couldn’t get you to leave
I awoke frightened
with the door open

do you realize
character and honesty
can both be judged
by ignoring words altogether
and looking
solely
on what you do

so in this pretend world
this fantasy of yours
some things bleed
into mine
and I try to see
subtract the you
subtract the me
to look right through
to reality
but look at me
I play the fool
I’m just the tool
to set you free
of memory
of any need
of honesty
responsibility
respectability
honour, value
worth, and truth
you see, all these
I could be for you
but that fantasy
well it bleeds too
into one which you
have saved for me
I still can’t sleep
and I blame you

Copyright L.M. 2007.

Clips

Here are some clips of things I saved looooooooong ago.

sleepy sleepy quiet and weepy
wand’ring, floating over land
turn me o’er so you can’t see me
i don’t think you’d understand            

My horns have shifted still I hold my head up where are you my angel whose smile lifts me up..i need you but i don’t need anyone

i’d like a pancake pillow upon which i’d sleep, to silence the sizzle with rest in the deep          [this was initiated because I’d often thought pancakes would make great pillows…..] 

             

from the boy who wonders to the man who thinks and a father who knows….. 
         to the man who snuggles with a dream when in reality grasps only a wrinkled sheet          

        

       

it’s all about the ducks. except the part that’s all about the sea turtles.

       

                        

when my cat is staring at my coat, i wonder what he’s thinking

when my cat is staring at the powerbar cord an inch from his face, i wonder what he’s thinking

when my cat is staring at the bare wall an inch from his face, i wonder what he’s thinking

    

how I love my half orange. Almost as much as my little fluffy thing.  Almost as much as my magic mouse.           [??!!]

          

         

knowledge sought on the subject of that which is disliked yields a greater appreciation of life

      

ahh to be a jangling bag of body parts…..                   [again:  ??!!]

     

neko o tabemasu! taihen oishii desu!

a lost crumpet in a sea full of breadstuff                                                              [followed by:]
i think that metaphor was more complicated than it was worth…..!                  [haha]

   

i’m a sexy vixen ;)….. and I just fell down the stairs. 

        

darn you, Glosette raisins! you will single-handedly beat my will-power to bits….. very yummy, chocolatey, raisiny bits…..                                                                                                                          [my weakness is chocolate, so sue me! ha]

              

seeding started: check. litterbox cleaned: check. shower: check. studying: ….. what do you think?

fast/junk food diet: check. extra 10 pounds from procrastinating: priceless.

       

note to tummy: please stop craving cinnaparts when you are stuffed and hurty

          

           

I held a shell up to the Sun

brushed away the hardened sand

sending light into the water

and I was calm

I took a flower in my hand

let the dew drip from the petals

into my open palm

and I was calm

           

            

So there you have it…… an amalgamation of random notes, messages, insights, outsights.  haha

I’m not entirely sure why I decided to do this, but once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop.  Well, there you go!