Permanent Reminder

have you ever broken stride?
it seems you felt it all
but with each new breath
you know you were wrong

how can you know love?
if all you’ve tried is lust,
comfort, and misguided trust
then you hit a wall
no surprise at all

I don’t wanna be around
when you find her
I don’t wanna bring you down from your cloud
I don’t need a permanent
reminder
of all the good things I’m not allowed

well, I, I’ve seen the painful death
I’ve witnessed, and been there too
I know how hard it is to see
the same thing when it’s happening to you

but if there’s some doubt, like you say
if love is even there
well if you’re not even sure,
then what you doing with her?
I really think you should prepare

and when honesty is key
and you’re more honest with me…..

I don’t wanna be around
when you find her
I don’t wanna bring you down from your cloud
I don’t need a permanent
reminder
of all the good things I’m not allowed

I don’t wanna be around
when you find her
I don’t wanna be the foolish clown
I don’t need a permanent
reminder
of how I’d never let you down
you know I’d never let you down

     

      

Copyright L.M. 2008.  (written February 27th, 2008.).

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Disentangled Deliverance

I heard it
hushed
rushed
like when the phone is dying
and I knew who
but I ignored it
just like you
earlier
afraid I would hear
I knew then, too
and I can’t look at you
not right after
for fear
I knew you’d see
my face gives me away
so if you don’t look at me
you’ll never see my pain
and we can carry on this way
because you chose it
how’d I have no say?
well, that’s the way of it
and every single day
I wait
and every single day
I cringe
I crawl
a little ball I am
and I try to ignore the fact
that I’m in love
and that I want to cry
and that I want to hit you
for hurting me
for not telling
for not thinking about it
just because you’re happy
doesn’t make it okay
for the rest of us
I want to collapse in your arms
and cry until my heart feels again
it isn’t easy keeping it cold
it isn’t easy being numb
but I know how you feel
and it would take just a minute
to realize
that there must be a problem
if you aren’t sure of love
you aren’t in love
it’s as simple as that
time won’t help you decide
trust me, I know, I tried
love isn’t comfort and trust
love isn’t passion and lust
love isn’t measured in time
and I know, love isn’t just
love is not wanting to leave
love is a mental reprieve
loving should not be a crime
for lovers are far too naïve
but the story here, far too sad
is in parallel
and I’ve played the role before
from a different seat
but it was just as bad
I can’t help you see
how you would have so much more
with one less
without you asking me
and even still
it seems so contrary
you probably wouldn’t
even believe me

but I’ve watched you
when you weren’t looking
and I don’t see a man in love
I don’t even see a man confused about love
I see a man confused and saddened
by the loss of a first
that was really good sometimes
and really hard
though that’s easier now to forget
since she’s allowing it
though she’s not aware
just how much you’re testing it
I’m the only other one
who knows what’s going on
and my heart is breaking for you
for me
watching your guilt
take a life of its own
and the longer you wait
the more it’ll have grown
when you finally decide
to tell her the truth

it’s selfish what you’re doing
I don’t want to sound mean
but you’re aware that you’re hurting
and destroying self-esteem
and you know what your instincts
are telling you to do
so if you won’t do this for me, or for her, babe
do this for you

       

       

Copyright L.M. 2008.

May

do you question, as I do
the time suffered painfully through
the churning of a constant true
and breaking wireless of a sort?

are you happy to report
the second coming last resort?
or would you rather just retort
within your stage and clamoring few?

a docile servant becomes you
adept at nothing, talent-proof
all hate raised to those who blew
the deflating bubble that surrounds you

all that’s matter, matters not then
what succeeds won’t be forgotten

Copyright L.M. 2007. (in a series of many written around the same time a couple months ago).