face
distraction
pain
and greed
look
around you
face
your need
time
has taught you
only
to lead
(so) break
the mold now
be free
I’ve wanted so much for you
more than you wanted me to
footsteps could lead me away
or bring me right back to you
upon the houses
the rain starts to fall
upon the benches
it drenches them all
and I’ve seen your light
it shines through the night
and upon the streets
far below
Copyright L.M. 2008.
I couldn’t stretch it
it began furtively
the weasel of a creature
stitching disaster with a golden flare
dancing brushstrokes in the air
stepping lightly
flooding slow
a prick to welcome
boring deep within
each layer, each flaking level
it could be cruel
but I’m sure this isn’t new
I know the tracks
and paint the country with pleasure
still be the train, upon them all
useless and crumbling
but ever so mighty
bending light with each day
crowding this heaven-sent boundary
to a cradle beneath
somehow immersed in everything
so carbon me
make me realistic
drawn and painted and sung
compose me your morals
stand with posture perfect
gripping ledges
haphazard leaping
and suddenly —
you see it too
so change it all, and harbour no chain
abandon weight, for I can help you fly
Finished: 8:28 a.m., Wednesday, December 5th, 2007.
In high school, I came up with a shade of blue.
It was beautiful — a combination of sky blue, light mauve, baby blue.
Every day as I’d walk through the hallways, I’d look up through the windows as I passed to see if today was a Beautiful Blue day, and, if it was, it was a good day. It became difficult in winter to keep my spirits up, as the cold depresses me sometimes, but if there was a patch where I saw Beautiful Blue skies, it would lift me up and give me strength.
I love nature like others love religion. In fact, to a certain degree, I equate the two. This is really very personal but why not…… in my egotistical mind, I would see the colour showing up as a sign, a spiritual offering of a hand to help me stand again — or, if I was already standing, would help lift me to happiness — or, if I was already happy, would help lift me to elation. Natural beauty is something that never replicates; each instance really is a moment in time to treasure. You will never have that exact opportunity again to feel its presence, its power, your part in it all. All you can hope for, if you shun that moment, is another chance. It is likely for this reason that I have become a fervent advocate of spontaneity; part of carpe diem requires the ability to forgo plans and live for the moment as it presents itself. Part of beauty is unpredictability.
Beautiful Blue might look different to others. As much as I describe it, I will never know if anyone else sees the exact shade I do — not that I believe myself to be the only one capable, but when you take into account differences of perception, differences of colour receptor cones in the eyes, differences perhaps of data transmission between cones and the brain?…… but this Beautiful Blue, to me, is nothing less than hope itself, embodied in a shade of pure beauty.
A couple years after I’d begun this tradition of sky-searching at school and elsewhere, I was listening to the radio and heard the DJ mention a new song was going to be played by an artist whose songs I knew and liked. The artist: Holly McNarland. The title: Beautiful Blue. This initially stunned me. Then, my senses came around and I realized: to others, they were simply two words strung together, and could be used to describe a multitude of things…… I suppose. This is what she has to say about her song:
“The big song [on the cd], ‘Beautiful Blue,’ came a week before the
last time we went into the studio,” she says. “That was shortly
after September 11. It’s not about that, but the whole vibe, the
whole doomsday thing, was pretty apparent, and I was just
hanging out with my son. In the middle of all of this tragedy,
I would wake up and have this perfect little angel by my side.”¹
It’s a beautiful song; I loved it immediately, and not simply for the connection I had with it. One day I’d like to perform it live — in a way, to realize another dream of mine, as I’ve already recently been given the opportunity to realize one of my life dreams of being part of a band. I don’t want to suggest it, as it’s not particularly in the style we perform, but I figure that the opportunity will somehow present itself at some point in my life — just like the song did initially — if it is meant to be interpreted by my (in comparison) highly unqualified voice. This is not a case for carpe diem, after all; this is a chance to see just where my Beautiful Blue will guide me next.
So, my dear readers, after I expose my vulnerable nature to all your mysteriously faceless souls, I ask you: what is your Beautiful Blue?
If you would like to comment on this, you need to click on the title to load the post anew, where you will be given the option to leave a comment if you so desire (and I hope you do!).
twice I watched my number pass
felt the crumbles of the blast
siphoned, mirrored, filed away
sickening by this light of day
parachutes of older grace
pick me up, cradle my face
I’m dying by the light of mourn
repelling with the scent of scorn
a patient man has never seen
the light of me, the plight of me
so sit still while I peck into
my scorching hands, Beautiful Blue
words that letters really ought
not touch the pearls that teach you naught
have wrung my hands into a knot
and teach me what shouldn’t be taught
Copyright L.M. 2007.
if you ask me I will tell
the story of my chance
sentences strung as one
beautiful words taking turns
to paint the scene
of immortal love
if you ask me I won’t hide
won’t push the thoughts aside
you’ve always been light
ever since the first
and I sense till the end
oh to be there, with love
if you ask me I will say
truth to you, one
do you know I’ve been there?
just ask and I will say
like a stem grows each day
to hold its beauty high in the air
yes, love, I’ve been there
I have seen what I should not
and I didn’t want to return
but you — yes, you frighten
I could swear on my life
you take my breath away
love, have you been there?
I want to change your mind
I want to show it could be
love, I beg you to tell me
someday you’ll join me there
Finished: 6:18 a.m., Tuesday, November 20th, 2007. (adjustments 6:26 a.m. to final verse, same day; further adjustments 6:32 a.m., again to the final verse, again the same day).
Copyright L.M. 2007. (see note on next poem. perhaps exaggeration, emphasis on feeling, not necessarily definition).
back on the isles
a confusing white mess
a figurehead files
off her silvery tress
standing up straight
never meant taking aim
in sinking her plait
you avoid taking blame
she walks along, slow
with a bird on each hand
her tumultuous glow
mirrors water on sand
and this do you cross
with your opening light
upon the wave’s toss
in the soft silken sight
your pining betrays you
as you spy from afar
your pining betrays you
as you gaze at her star
your pining betrays you
too distracted to note
your pining betrays you:
her locks are afloat
Copyright L.M. 2007.
how did I fall to this?
his spectrum wild and crazed
fortunate son of passion
living each breath fully
it invited me
like a warm bath
or triangle sheets
begging me to enter
and see just how lovely,
how comfort can be
underneath something was ill
someone broken, something still
intentions run aground on
the wrong shore, turn around
red ground company
and he silenced me with fear
but the slant of disease
gave it light, and now
I cannot be afraid
since between the sheets
slivered like a coward
I saw the hideous head of dishonour
underneath something was ill
someone broken, something still
intentions run aground
you’re on the wrong shore, turn around
Copyright L.M. 2007.
Here are some clips of things I saved looooooooong ago.
sleepy sleepy quiet and weepy
wand’ring, floating over land
turn me o’er so you can’t see me
i don’t think you’d understand
My horns have shifted still I hold my head up where are you my angel whose smile lifts me up..i need you but i don’t need anyone
i’d like a pancake pillow upon which i’d sleep, to silence the sizzle with rest in the deep [this was initiated because I’d often thought pancakes would make great pillows…..]
from the boy who wonders to the man who thinks and a father who knows…..
to the man who snuggles with a dream when in reality grasps only a wrinkled sheet
it’s all about the ducks. except the part that’s all about the sea turtles.
when my cat is staring at my coat, i wonder what he’s thinking
when my cat is staring at the powerbar cord an inch from his face, i wonder what he’s thinking
when my cat is staring at the bare wall an inch from his face, i wonder what he’s thinking
how I love my half orange. Almost as much as my little fluffy thing. Almost as much as my magic mouse. [??!!]
knowledge sought on the subject of that which is disliked yields a greater appreciation of life
ahh to be a jangling bag of body parts….. [again: ??!!]
neko o tabemasu! taihen oishii desu!
a lost crumpet in a sea full of breadstuff [followed by:]
i think that metaphor was more complicated than it was worth…..! [haha]
i’m a sexy vixen ;)….. and I just fell down the stairs.
darn you, Glosette raisins! you will single-handedly beat my will-power to bits….. very yummy, chocolatey, raisiny bits….. [my weakness is chocolate, so sue me! ha]
seeding started: check. litterbox cleaned: check. shower: check. studying: ….. what do you think?
fast/junk food diet: check. extra 10 pounds from procrastinating: priceless.
note to tummy: please stop craving cinnaparts when you are stuffed and hurty
I held a shell up to the Sun
brushed away the hardened sand
sending light into the water
and I was calm
I took a flower in my hand
let the dew drip from the petals
into my open palm
and I was calm
So there you have it…… an amalgamation of random notes, messages, insights, outsights. haha
I’m not entirely sure why I decided to do this, but once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop. Well, there you go!
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