Inventory

I want you to know
every one of you
that I don’t cry for you
I don’t weep
I’m not heartbroken
for nothing can break
through stone

ups and downs
everyday drama
it’s not my thing
I’d rather hide in the forest
and wait for you to find me

as it is, I look for you
outside my door
exiting my life
and wonder if you’ll be back
because I never know for sure

where did I get these thoughts?

did Einstein suffer depression?
I suppose he must have
thoughts like that from me
have pricked the plume anew
though I like the solitary company

I bend
far too much
so much so
that I don’t know
within myself
where I search
and daily toss
the dye that bleeds me

I know where we stand
each and every single one of us
and I will continue to try
to rationalize
and objectify
myself in my mind
just for you

I soared into storm clouds
higher than life
I cannot blame the messenger
but yet I can’t help
feeling tossed
like stale bread
soaking up any hint of warmth
to postpone the brittle battle
I will play by your rules
I will chisel a path
as long as you still try
and as long as I don’t fall
but I should let you know
I don’t feel your respect
not today, nor yesterday
not in the slightest
don’t you see?
I’m the doll
the smiling face which you do greet
with open arms and fleeing feet
sighing, wishing for a day
with ladders finally tossed away
so I may sit alongside you
with worries none, and fears few
the palm I’m in is over-filled
and not exactly what I willed
but choices few, this chiselled stone
is all I have to call my own

Copyright L.M. 2007.  (written a couple months ago, and again I recognize the poem isn’t very good haha).

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Why I Love Walking

Today I was walking around downtown Kingston, trying to make up for lost time.  Lately I’ve been so busy, and have had such little sleep, that I’ve pretty much been a (non-)walking zombie. Yesterday when I went to class, I was literally stumbling. If you know me, you know that I can handle being tired. Heck, in the past people have commented on how upbeat I was, not knowing that I’d pulled an all-nighter the night before. So, for me to say I was feeling it, I mean I was feeling it. Today I had to get up for a group meeting, which consisted of very little work, but at least a little organization. After that, I decided it was time to walk off everything that’s been building up in me.

I had a great experience. A lady came up to me and asked me what the wreath was that I was wearing. Confused, I looked to where she was pointing: my poppy. She didn’t have an accent and didn’t look stupid so I was curious why she didn’t know what it was….. I asked “You mean my poppy?” She nodded. “Well, we wear it to recognize and give respect to our veterans. For Remembrance Day.” She smiled and said, “Ahh. We were wondering why everyone was wearing wreaths. We’re from California.” She thanked me, we walked away, and I heard her telling her friend the result of her inquest.

That made me smile.  I think because the poppies had been so prevalent in walking downtown that it made her curious enough to ask. That impressed me, and I suddenly felt very patriotic 🙂