Insomnia

how long does it take?
a million thoughts per second
I have only to grasp but one
and make it stick
but this delusional misery
makes me different
and silences the norm

to shadow someone
I choke at the thought
my independent sea
took many years to fill
and I don’t know how to swim but there
I’ve become nocturnal
and my body now frightens easily
I’m choking again

I cannot fathom why
and every day people ask
I laugh but I’m scared

it’s a lovely thing to have dreams
yet I avoid sleep
so as not to have them end

I swear to me it’s dark as dust
and just as mystical

Copyright L.M. 2007.

Fact

falling over myself in my dreams
reaching with my shoulders
and my arms can’t move

holding on to nothing strongly
patterning disgrace tile by tile
it’s alright, that’s the way I know

the shiver works its way down
sections snapping in protest
like the yelling in my head

I want to swing wildly
scream obscenities
run full-out crazy
buy me time, just buy me time

can I disappear for a while?
the waiting kills the cells
and the wound heals much quicker
after the fact, after the act
I’m wasting away here
twisting organs in confusion
there’s nothing to sustain me
until I know this torturous fact
.
.
.
.

Copyright L.M. 2007.