To Beat a Dead Horse

.

.

you make me sick
literally feeling ill
it angers me, almost everything you do
you neglect me
then tell me you want to be my best friend
as if it’s deserved!
you may be used to getting what you want
bright eyes and cunning smile
but I’m used to looking through that
I’ve seen it before
and ignored it before
when I had to move on before
you can’t buy me
and it drives you nuts
so you ignore me
entirely
you want to forget me
but remember the good times
when I cared for you
and made you feel like you were the only person I would ever need
well you’re not
I could never be with you
I could never disgrace myself that badly
associating myself with your name?  not a chance!
if this is the way you want to play the game you’ve invented
I am not a mouse
you are not a cat
I am a cat
and you are a dirty rat
and I thought I could make your life better
by giving you a place where you could go that was filled with love
reliable
like you’ve never had before
forgiving
but you took advantage of that
to see just how far I would go for you
and even then, lost interest in the game of torture
and I can tell you finally I have also lost interest in being tortured
at least by you
it was never fun for me
it was an obsession
you were an addiction
but of worse quality than a drug
because you will never leave
it is I that will have to suffer again
to turn
and walk away
because I want something real
something tangible
someone to stand up and say he loves me and that’s a fact
who won’t hide me
like a guilty pleasure
someone who I can rely on, for a change!
whose love I can rely on
who wants more than anything to make me happy
to make me smile
even more than for himself
whose pleasure will come from seeing how happy I am with him
knowing that I alone love him
knowing that he alone loves me
I don’t need the drama forever, no, I want the happiness forever
and the two cannot co-exist
I want love that can stand on its own
that does not weep in laying, abandoned after being touched
that does not crumble with each passed opportunity for its beauty to be revealed to the world
or even to friends…..
I want love that is not afraid
that does not curse its own majesty in awe of its power
that does not seek other explanations and attempt to convince both parties of ‘the truth’
.
everything you said you wanted
you had handed to you on a golden platter
but you insisted upon silver
.
.
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Copyright L.M. 2009.

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